Thursday, March 22, 2012

96 million dollars.

Seriously?  America, you have a problem. My Facebook has been blowing up about Tebow and Manning and who-the-fuck-are-the-Broncos-anyway but Jesus, there is something wrong with a society that applauds spending a hundred million dollars on 66% proficiency.   

If I went out and performed a show at sixty-six percent, I would be set on fire. And you know what, if I were being paid to do such a shitty performance, you bet your ass I would expect and welcome the flames.

 Not that you give a damn, but accept my continual middle finger, America, for your disgusting obsession with professional sports. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hype

(I have never had any luck writing about marching music. Here's a draft of a pre-show hype rap/speech. I dunno.)

I want to tell you a story
it's about the color blue
yeah, I may have written it
but you know what? so did all of you
blue isn't just a feeling
it's more than just a hue
you know the sky's not just a ceiling
and we're more than just a crew

I know there are times your minds are reeling under the
piling files of time you're stealing
to keep your eyes peeled yet your brains from peelin
yet your lips are sealed, this is art we're dealing
I say we make the stands shatter and shake
under the weight of our greatness
if you do it right they will lift you up and you will
leave that room weightless
Hell, I'll warn the floor boards now they're in store for a
war on their foundation
We are made of the Rocky Mountains, and we're the only ones in the nation
carved out of stone and bone and love
can exchange their doubt for exaltation

I demand that they not just applaud us
I demand that they god damn adore us
that we shake them til their brains go porous,
then pour out their eyes while they still scream for us.
nobody ever made it feeling cautious
I dare you to hit them so hard they fall to the ground, unconscious
When they wake up, they better want to die
if they never see the Blue Knights again
You have to make them want to
cry if we're not the ones who fucking win

There is no man, no person, no thing
who has ever received this much love from me
because week after week and day after day
you guys keep me from going insane.
Yeah, there's a world out there and it's happenin
but right now all that matters is us.
There is no key in the entire world that I would
rather hold than this one.

So here is the truth, believe me I hate it too:
we have a lot to show but
we more to prove.

Now, you don't have to promise me anything
but I will always promise every one of you
that there is no color that I will ever bleed
except for blue.


Does posting about PMS make me anti-feminist..?

Dear Midol,

I know you think it is funny to put your pills in bulletproof packaging. But I don't think you realize it's not very funny to test me like that, because I will pull out a gun.