Walmart sucks.

Seriously? Seriously. This would happen at Walmart.

Raining on parades.

"Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."...

...as long you take a literal shit-ton of rocket fuel, because the stars are another 4.3 lightyears away and actually, you're more likely to just die in an empty space abyss.

But that's awesome you're tryin'.

Mankind.

I strongly believe that chips and salsa is one of the best things to come out of mankind.

Followed closely by penicillin.

Air mattress.

The past three Blue Knights camps, I have found myself waking up in the middle of the night with my hips touching the floor while the rest of my body is still suspended mid-air-mattress. I have come up with two possible explanations for this:

Either

1) There's a hole in my air mattress.
or
2) My ass is colossal.

Trick question. Both are true.

Still, a new air mattress is in order.

Television.

I haven't watched much television this semester. Not because I don't have access to one--nah, there's one in my room turned up to 85% volume everyday from 4 to midnight at least. But what's the point?

Besides, I guarantee the drama/bullshit that happens on my floor and in my dorm is significantly more entertaining than 98% of the shows on TV.

Not to mention people watching turns brains a lot less mushy than cable does.

I can be passive aggressive, too.

In which sizes do hypocrites come?
I’ll order a large
with a side of
bitch sauce
zesty. creamy. love it.
fuck it.

cleaniness ≠ godliness.

No, I didn't take your chips
it was one of the roommate's friends.
but rejoice! for now it is
her breath that smells of
sour cream
& onion.