People always ask, this is the best answer I can give.

Last fall, I started to write an essay about the Firebird on my leg.

I had a lot of words on the subject; too many, in fact - any instance of the question "So, what does [it] mean to you?" is sure to be met with an inundation from me. That's just how I work. I pour a significant amount of energy into finding and assigning meaning to the inconsequential, so when something actually is significant (in this case, a permanent piece of breathtaking art on the only right leg I will ever have), it probably represents years of careful consideration. So I am going to put it concisely, and you can assign meaning yourself, if you wish. Or, you can take it as a beautiful picture, which is no farther from the truth.


Legend says that a single feather from a Firebird glows with such brilliance that it alone can light up an entire castle.

I was raised by a grand piano - cover open -
      one day I chose to sing over it;
hovering hope that the horoscopes were right,
that I'm a bull inside, hidin from sight.

sand castle

This is a challenge:
to all of the talent that i've seen
who passed on a chance to starve for a second
      instead settled for the green
maybe you kept track of the fat cats when they said
how you ever gonna pay rent with paper and pens?
workin for plenty of people with money to burn
while i've been eatin every single penny that i ever earned
but i'm the kinda flower that turns water into words,
the sun into sound; I'm a songbird that burns.

it's a little bit bloody, the cold, crass truth
watch a window hopin' it would open up
and you could dash through.
Forget to mention ya have to crack the glass yourself,
might have to crash;
might have to ask for help.
midnight, hashin plans, sippin india pale,
build an empire out of sand
with a shovel and pale
ever tried to attach a sandcastle to a tree
with just a nail,
a wake of vultures smackin beaks behind your back
cacklin just how bad you're gonna fail?

sometimes your friends will shoot you
with word bullets made of ice.
gotta let them vanish inside you, trust me -
 the grudge ain't worth the price.
not one of us is solid sugar,
so I know the thought has crossed your mind
to be the kinda pirate that kills in the name of cinnamon spice.
monsters will doublecross you
and fool you once, so always look twice -
waltz around false rumors
they lie quick like slick mice

i like it when your eyes get bright
like we spent the night doin lines of cayenne pepper
prepare for flight, sight unseen, blind, we might just
crash this scene together, none better

a grand piano raised me - cover open -
      one day, i sung over it;
hovering hope that the horoscopes were right,
that I'm a bull inside, hidin from sight.

she never gave any reason.
except why not

You got one country song out of me, Nashville.

Tennessee tree-lined highway drivin,
tokin out of apples and splittin them bite by bite.
Spring spilled on me, bloomed through me;
catch him sippin on the apple juice in my eyes.
Wonder if I will float if I sit still
 sink down slow, hands and lips tied.
Butterfly kisses. Color change irises:
a chameleon reads my mind.

And if I'm gone tomorrow
please stay.
You've got a road to follow
I've got a storm to chase.

Can you see my feline eyes fryin?
peekin through the trees cuz the bees been buzzin in time
lost count of the days after i left
fingerless, catchin - no - still stealin my breath
skimmin through the pages in my mind
with blue grey green color change eyes
how'd i find a life that could read my mind,
and a mind that could change my life.

And if I'm gone tomorrow,
stay.
You have a road to pave.
I have a storm to make.

update.

Car broke down a little over a month ago. I am dirt poor. Like, haven't-bought-groceries-in-a-month poor. The cat still eats like a princess though, don't you worry.

Four days after my car broke down, my bike got stolen. Right in front of my house.

I am now front desk manager at a salon. Not really my kinda thing, but it pays well enough and now I get to add manager and marketing to my resume, which I suppose is useful although who the fuck really cares. I am borrowing a bike for transportation and riding ~33 miles every day.  Three hours of commute on top of my regular work day makes for a very long week, and very short nights.

That's right, digging myself out of financial debt by putting myself in extreme calorie deficit. But that's what I get. And these types of challenges are good for me. And my legs will be monstrous.

The end of my personal drought is in sight, albeit just a little farther off than I'd like it to be. So thankful for my wonderful support system, without whom I would surely be drowning. Or starving (but seriously).

When it comes down to it, life is good, and each day glows brighter with opportunities and possibilities. Writing lots of music with J.  I am feeling very encouraged by our efforts in the last few weeks. I truly believe in what we have to offer, so whoever is reading this - be excited. I know I/we've been saying that for a long time. But this is for real. Can't put it off any longer, and won't.

Hope your day is lovely.

I'm sorry I always burn the cookies,
and I'm sorry i spilled the beans.